When You Believe…




a punctuation mark (;) indicating a pause, typically between two main clauses, that is more pronounced than that indicated by a comma.

Every tattoo on my body has some personal meaning to it. This is a marking that, unless I have it covered, I will bear for the rest of my life as a message to the world as to what I am about or was going through at the time. This is my newest addition.

As an mental health advocate and survivor of suicidal thoughts and depression I chose the word believe with a semicolon replacing the letter ‘i’.

This tattoo encourages me to bel;eve that things will be better and that this is not the end of my journey.

It’s one thing to just say aloud or to myself that even though times are hard that they will be better and things will be okay. It’s a total difference when you actually bel;eve that things will be better or different.

The bel;ef in a better way is what makes it happen. When you truly bel;eve that you will be okay, you will be. You have to bel;eve.


Depression. This is something that people in my community don’t talk much about. I don’t think it’s as much a taboo subject as it is just a misunderstood topic. People don’t understand depression or anxiety disorders.  Oftentimes they just think that the person is being rude by not wanting to go out or they think ‘oh well, they must be going through something so I’ll just leave them alone’.

I have had some battles with depression at times. It was because I was unable to deal with a very stressful or overwhelming situation and I felt I didn’t have anyone to turn to for help. Suicide has crossed my mind but I was never “that far gone” to actually go through with it. There were moments when I had that George Bailey moment and wished I wasn’t born, thinking that life would be better for everyone else if I wasn’t around.

One of the ways that helped me kind of snap out of my funk was my online community. When I felt I couldn’t turn to real life friends and family, they became my family. I think of them all as family or as we affectionately call each other framily.  I felt like I could confide in this group and get real answers without judgment.

Being able to deal with emotions is something that I still struggle with. I tend to internalize things to the point where it begins to be too much. What may seem like not much of a deal becomes a big deal because it is added to all the other little problems tucked away.  I have seen therapists, done the meditation, prayed about it and all but still the problems still persist.

I know one of the issues is that I tend to push back/away. I feel as though I’m an introverted soul. I like to be alone most of the time. This is good and also bad. This is good in the sense that it gives me time to think without all the noise and opinions of others. This is bad in the sense that people realize that I like to be left alone with my thoughts so they do just that. Leave me alone with my thoughts.  They don’t check in on me like they normally would with someone else because they feel like they would be encroaching on my space or something similar. While I appreciate the courtesy, there are times when I need someone to pick up the phone and call or send a text message, email or tweet or Facebook post to see how I’m doing.

Wow. Writing this is making me depressed. Bottom line, check in on your people every now and again. Especially when you know they are going through some things. A simple ‘hi’ makes a big difference.